bad habits

i am often told i have a lot of "bad habits". this is very confusing to me, because it usually goes something like this: "you have a bad habit of ____" then they name something i do NOT do. for example: "you have a bad habit of not washing your car", or "you have a bad habit of not exercising", or "you have a bad habit of not answering your phone". only i rarely, if ever, do any of those things, so how can they be considered a "habit" at all? maybe because i habitually neglect to do these things? i don't know. but, you know what i do have a bad habit of? telling people to mind their own GD business, and not using proper grammar or punctuation. now, those are definitely "bad" habits, in my opinion. but i should get free pass when it comes to telling people to mind their own GD business, because no one likes nosey a** people, right? and, when you really think about it, we all have at least one bad habit; smoking, picking your nose, spitting, chewing with your mouth open, telling other people when you think they have a bad habit of not doing something. i think this world would be a better place if we worked on fixing our own bad habits instead of pointing out other people's bad habits to them. so, next time you see me drive by in my dirty van, don't judge! instead, remind yourself to stop picking your nose. and, mind your own GD business!

Lizards and balls and Star Wars, oh my!

The weather has taken a strange turn for the colder and I don't like it one bit. As my profile clearly states, I am a 'desert rat'. Which does not mean I am a desert-dwelling rodent, as the title suggests, but rather that I enjoy the hot, dry climate of the SE Az. desert. Don't ask me why, I didn't make it up, I just wear the nonsensical description proudly. But, as I was saying, it has been rather chilly here lately, as opposed to the heat I have anxiously been awaiting. I cannot function when I am cold. I am like those lizards who froze and fell out of their trees during the winter in Florida. I'm just like that, except I don't live in a tree. The cold makes me feel how I imagine testicle might feel when they come into contact with frigid water; shriveled, impotent, paralyzed and really fuckin' cold. When it is cold, I like to pretend I am on the planet Hoth, with only a gutted Tauntaun to keep me warm. This entertains me while I am huddled under my comforter, in my pj's and warm, fuzzy, socks, all day. Sometimes, I make emergency trips to Echo Base, aka the kitchen, for sustenance before returning to my lair. Sometimes I speak like Yoda when asked questions. For example, child: "Mom, what are you doing?", me: "keeping warm, I am...mmmm?", child: "Dad, Mom's talking like Yoda again!". Now, I know you Star Wars fanatics are chomping at the bit to point out that Yoda was never on the planet Hoth, but I have yet to perfect my Chewbacca impression so a break you will give me...mmmmm?

captcha my asscha

If you had any idea how long it took me to access this blog again and how many GD captchas I had to enter, you'd call me an idiot for wasting so much time. Now I'm too tired to blog. And, if it was all for naught and I find myself unable to log back in again tomorrow, well, then that would mean I'm an even bigger idiot than you originally thought. But, let this be a lesson to all you careless young(and not-so-young)sters, don't go around blatantly creating blogs then forgetting about them for years, because then you too will have to exchange your soul or youngest child (whichever you may posses) to regain access to said blog. Don't say you weren't warned!